can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
