I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
