Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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