It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
