I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
