I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
