just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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