Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
