Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
