i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Houston, we have a blender
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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