Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
