My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
