Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
