she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
