we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
