At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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