Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
