There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm getting married
To pizza
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
