I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
