so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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