Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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