Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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