i think my tv is drunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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