You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
