he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
