Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
