Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
