My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
