ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
