how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
