She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
