they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
