so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
