She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
whose ass print is on the piano?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
