Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
