these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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