I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
