I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My ass is underappreciated
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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