It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
