After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
