just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
