i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
