In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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