His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
