I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
