The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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