Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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