I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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