so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
