now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
