11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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