Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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